hey moon, please forget to fall down.

:)

2010-09-05T07:22:00.000-07:00

Its time to paint those nails,
time to enjoy the last week of freedom.
Spend time with those you love,
even if i love you more everyday.
Cut half your brain in half,
and i think you won't be missing no one.
i wish i could do that,
missing too many people,
and too many good ol times.

2010-06-24T09:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i feel i could love you for the rest of my life. <3

Warmth

2010-04-06T17:38:00.000-07:00

The way it is,
I don't know where we're going.
Take it a step at a time, you say.
But can it always be one step after another?
There are gonna be times when we need to change.
And leave this comfort behind.
Adjust our laughs and rearrange those hands.
And just try not to let it show on our faces.

It hurts when i think about it.
To look at you at not be able to tell you the whole truth.
Cos we talk and action much too much.
But i know throughout everything, you'll still be there;
a 100 percent,
i don't want to let you down.

2010-03-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

On the edge, of breaking. Ready to explode at any moment. Annoyance, impatience and too much running around. I hate having to cancel plans and say i can't make it, i'm sorry=( I hate having to choose between important things and not knowing what to do cos theres so much expected of you. And it just sucks that i have to cancel on people i miss the most, while they go out and enjoy their holidays, we'll be living in our new home and all i can hope is that we won't explode too soon cos theres just too many things to do. That one second you take a step back, you'll see how those dark circles are creeping up like a neverending abyss and how the snapping could actually do damage, one day baby, i promise.

Comfort

2010-03-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

And at times like these, its unimaginable. To be that comfortable with everything. Go with the flow of the day and do what we like. Eat good food with the best company. I'll rush now, because time presses on like that talk we haven't had in ages. I miss the girls so much, cos as much as we have changed, nothing really has changed.

Faces

2010-03-06T07:41:00.000-08:00

I looked at her, i saw unhappiness through. I looked to my left, i saw a trusted face with one too many stress lines. On my right, sat one who could see me through no questions asked, yet the eyes weren't brightly lit as they used to be. Yet, around us, spurts of laughter, of twinkly smiles. Whats happending to us, asks the mirror. Flicker of disappointment never fails the watching eye. We know all to well. Deal with these expectations first and get past it. You should know these things, honey. Its no surprise.

The days will get by, the strands from black to white. Sometimes i wonder whats the point of all this. The amount of effort put in surely can't equal to what comes out of it. Its just that frown is settling into your face and all i want to do, is wipe it off with a nice big wet tissue.

Holidays, by our definition.

state of mind;

2010-02-08T08:42:00.000-08:00

Too impatient for my own good,
i expect you to be there.
When all i ever do is get surprised.
There are more important things in life, they say.
Show me, i wanna see.

Tomorrow's a new day,
but what if its already a new day?
And you're still feeling the same way,
Sleep didn't make you forget, or dream about something else,
it just postpones time.

Need, is never ending.
Like a problem sum, solve it.
And you'll get the answer.
To what your soul craves and
the basics of what you think is right.

Not of non-importance,
not of no care.
Just the world doesn't revolve around you.
and its probably time,
we'd realise it.

Friendship, you whooshed right past me.

cough

2010-02-04T10:34:00.000-08:00

How am i to say these things that sit unexplained in my head.
You need to take a walk in my shoes for a day and see the world in a different light.
Instead of your closed up, controlled smiles,
tell me through your teeth what your tongue wants to speak.

These days are lost, meaningless.
You can't erase mistakes, the dust will still be left there.

final take 2

2010-01-29T12:21:00.000-08:00

Can't write emo poems,
they bring you nothing but thoughts;
of change,
unavoidable change.
What can we do my friend?
The thing we brought upon ourself.
Its empty.
All Clear Signal

Ears are tired.
I've heard this before.
Can't comprehend at 4 am in the moring.
And all i wanna do,
is sleep,
wake up to a whole new day,
new house,
almost 19,
almost there,
changed.

God, i'm gonna miss everything, this, that, you.

dry

2010-01-26T08:16:00.000-08:00

She sat there looking at us;
hoping that the good student in us
would somehow wake up.
From the sleepy eyes she put to sleep,
with her slang-ed accent, mouth that stretched too wide.
Eager to impart her knowledge which our hands scribble down.
page after page, filled with useless diagrams and techniques,
about the competition of molecular weights, polarity and non.

Stuffed in our bleached coats,
roasting for her final test
but cher' we're not touching no acid
no burner's gonna burn our hair
and i'm only wearing my specs
cos well i'm scared your spit might just reach me,
and maybe well, it masks the only window.

But I'm looking at you, miss
and i can see right through you.
and all you really want
is for us to do our best.
Tempers may flare and that pressure is cooking
but we're trying, cher', really really.
its just the table top looks a lot more comfortable right now.

2010-01-25T09:47:00.000-08:00

Black feet,
by the dust of years ago.
Hidden by the rocks of laziness,
we struck treasure and then we forgot,
forget the forgotten,
pictures of the past;
numerous burnt cds from the days of illegal rampage.
Tears at the corners of my eyes.

we tiptoe through the dust,
not wanting to wake the sleeping sealed boxes.
'They must be tired from carrying all that together'
i close my eyes,

and try to recall the ones they call memories.
these things tell a story and yet we discard like water.
what am i thinking.

19,
great.

and before we know it it'll be next week, i'll be older and in a new house.

stick

2010-01-15T08:48:00.001-08:00

I mean it, i promise.
Always tell you, i don't need you
but i forgot to say out loud, how beautiful you really are.

float

2010-01-14T07:20:00.000-08:00

We're on different levels,
i'm don't know where i am.
Rushing through everything,
never time to sit down and look,
to people-watch,
to look at you,
blinking your pretty eyes at me.

but i'm breathing,
you know you hear.
yet we're somehow floating;
through this life as if normal.

I'm not thinking,
what you're thinking,
cos its not something you think about.
when your mind is here on earth.

benefits

2009-12-26T09:17:00.001-08:00

Breathe, we've still got another 24 hours.
To squeeze everything that we could possible get out of these last dying hours.Its turned out better than expectations even though i wasn't supposed to expect expectations. Only thing i need is some coffee and a breather, to get myself away from all this.
-pause-
my hands are cold. i don't believe this. and i'm actually kinda glad cos apparently theres a smile for a different thing. Just might have made my day.

alrights, time to get back to work. yes no maybe.
the heart flutterings are gone.
its complete just the way it is.
my heart was never open, and my spirit never free(watch avatar please.)

surprise

2009-12-26T07:22:00.000-08:00

I love you because i can.
I don't know how you know these things about me, that you're not supposed to know but my face tells all and you just know. Coffee, dates, swimming and taking turns to be the boy. haha! I'm so glad you're my age now, so you act like it now babeh. No more merajuk anymore eh, and can't get so affected by the stupid boys also. I'll always be here. can't run anywhere cos i'll see your face everyday anyways=) Rain or shine or smelly itas lunches. Through our terrible faces, and laughter too loud to by lady like, always be my nana.

love love you=)

2009-12-16T08:47:00.000-08:00

Comfortability;

Its getting better; the days.
Denial shifts the work to the back of
my mind
is smiling.
cos i spent the past 3 days making out with
some asshole dummy who didn't respond at all.
kinda reminds you of some.
at ease, with time and its thoughts.
i taste briyani
i'm not looking at my projects lining the desktop.
yesterday was bomb cos we're so alike even after a year,
its like nothing changed but change is inevitable afterall.
and for once,
i actually have somethings to look forward to.
just a lil effort eh

2009-12-11T09:18:00.000-08:00

Papers are done; 6 papers were no joke and my mind craving for a holiday well craves. I'm expecting the holidays won't be much satisfying, really. Got a whole long list forming infront of me as we speak. Its disgusting really but what can be helped, just need to do projects yup. We'll dedicate on project per day and it'll be over and done with. Catching up on the movies wooshed past is and 2012 was too hyped up. It was believable but no fair wehn the hero always is saved and the fat and foreign people alwasys seem to die first. It was a computer game on big screen, and much to coupling.But its come to normality and no expectations.

focus; breathe

2009-12-09T08:18:00.000-08:00

I fought you for so long,
i should have let you in.
Oh how we regret those things we do;
and all i was trying was to save my own skin,
but so were you.

4down2moretogo

immortal

2009-11-21T06:16:00.000-08:00

when you have learnt your lesson,
Remember it.
you can't go on like nothings wrong, cos every other thought is thinking about it. When you've got no where to run but only to hide, is the time when you actually look down and realise. Love pffft, friendship for once is untrue, disappointed with yourself multiplied by like a million and two times. And once you get away from this nonsense, you come out a different person, and its the only thing you can be proud of. Thank god for the maryyys and minahhhs in this world.

I'm so tired of being here,
Suppressed by all my childish fears,
If you have to leave,
i wish you would just leave.

2009-11-18T08:11:00.000-08:00

change: inevitable
our conversations will soon end up
Small talk
I don't really wanna know how you are or how your day went
Its about time,
To kick the bad habits
Step step step,
i'll see you no.

2009-11-15T06:27:00.000-08:00

Much too close, step back missy. Everything'll be just fine. They remind you that they'll be yours soon enough, just wait for the weeks to come. Give up your time, learn to let go, quiet days are the best. Alone time, and learning to apologise. Chocolate smelling hands and dirtied kitchen. I'm the most relaxed i've been in ages so much so that sleep doesn't even matter. chill babeh, we'll get through this.

all grown up

2009-11-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

Someone once told me the grass is much greener, on the otherr side.

2009-10-27T11:33:00.000-07:00

Go through the days with a smile, with no care whatsoever, we'll rush later, runrunrunbyme. Time no essence la deyy. I'll come home, slit eyes drained, and crawl into the cardboard box i've made and decorated myself. Writings on the wall, remind me of the impending doom, i can hear your voice from a distance, telling me the plans, but i just can't make out what you're saying, paper muffled sentences, bounce off back to you, repelled energy, coming out a string of negatives in my lonesome mind but a soothing voice only soothes and causes no cure. comfort, rocking back and forth; its not the end.

ignorance is truly bliss;

2009-10-25T09:09:00.000-07:00

That didn't even make sense. I walked or rather ran from place to place with a smile cos i get reminded every now and then how wonderful some of your friends can be,(thanks jennyanna, kayabun and mary! i don't know how i'd survive today really=)) but things are getting better, maybe its just that i'm gonna be really rich really soon. Haha, since when did i become abi, ah well but i miss that small one anyways.
-back to retail-
we gots works to dos babehs

i'd like to make myself believe, that planet earth turns slowly

because i'm busy when you're not, because i give a much more damn about the girl waiting outside waving at you, because i see perfect soulmates walk right past each other and enemies sit close by. What are we coming to, where no one gives a flying toot bout anything, we all just call each other by our full names and say may i please and thank you.

I'm still running, only i've changed direction,

crumble

2009-10-11T20:53:00.000-07:00

And slowly, i'll just die from all this useless crap that i've knowingly dragged myself into. I'm trying to believe that people won't give me work that they don't think i can handle even if it means becoming superwoman. Saturday was happy day, and sunday just spoilt the end of a spoilt week. And i wake up today to the bbq wholesale people trying to ask me if the satay sauce i ordered is enough for the amount of satay i got. tsk. good morning veggie day.

Maybe i depend on you too much,
cos you just can't always be there.

iphone waste

2009-10-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

Exclusive rights, sad story of my dad's 48 hour old phone.
still don't know why a 47-year old man needed an iphone, to possibly challenge coffeeshop pakciks at a game of tap-tap. Touch so sensitive, complicated pricey restrictions, this is what happens;

HAHAHHAHAHAH, omg. this is so sad. and it costs another 350 just to repair the freakin screen o_O

down

2009-10-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

Running through the hours, burning up time, no point calculating how many hours left i have in a day. Don't bother calling and asking me out, unless you're ready for disappoint and even that i can't run from. Hop from place to place, face to face, upturned to downturned lines, thats all they are. Throw that notebook, diary, planner, phone away girl and you'll save me.
and going home alone is ~~no fun~~ sucking balls, period.

And even when the sky is falling down,
you'll be my only.

2009-10-04T02:24:00.000-07:00

And truth be told, i miss you.
and truth be told, i'm lying
<3

Day of birth

2009-09-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

So many birthdays, so little time. Yet i'm thankful for everything=)
no picturesss=(=(=(

1.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRAVIN!(belated)
I'm glad you had fun on your birthday even with last minute plans and all but I had tons of fun just walking, talking and hearing me out=) movie again soon kay.

2.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEL!
Ah, for every time you ask me how are you, just to check. For the smiles no matter what. The 3rd of Oct is gonna be a blast, and please let me surprise you=) We still need to go out sometime soon though with the whole gang, love you tons babe=)

3.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PASU!
Coins wasted, i'm sorry. haha you're finally legal babe, no more underage sneaking around! so go partay pindu, but don't forget your dinbi kay=D

spots.

2009-09-23T07:09:00.000-07:00

Silence. We keep still. You know what i'm thinking. But only when my face betrays my thoughts. So close till you know exactly where it hurts and more of where it doesn't. Conversations out of courtesy, the beautiful person next to us is intrigued by mindless murmur of lips. I can't tell his race, mr pretty sharpnosebigeyesandfairskin.
Uncharted steps, unplanned frowns, we're getting somewhere. Late night thought dialysis cleans the mind, makes it more open to more dumbass nonsense. I think i get your motive, just don't get you or want to at all. Don't be bobblehead-doll.
Things are getting places, holidays are half way through. Fridays at cgh, briskwalking through the weekend, party life zilch.

yeh dooriyan
nigahon ki dooriyan

s.l.a.c.k.e.r.

2009-09-18T02:30:00.000-07:00

rush rush rush.
It feels as if this is todally unimportant.
tricks on your mind, tongue twists a new nuisance.
friendship never fails,
i miss the makciks,(even though i saw minahahaha today=))
awkward goodbyes,
12 minute conversations that i really need.
you're not yourself,
and i don't know why.

run this town tonight

2009-09-16T01:40:00.001-07:00

Slow day. Or rather a break from everything else. And a chance to finally catch up on house. Holidays try to show their true meaning, yet projects tumble over and smother even a glimpse of it. Brainboost and a good storming after, 2 projects settled. Still got welfare and my dear noticeboard to do. Still gotta go run, and ton, and make ice cream, and get my hair done, and go clubbing and shop-___- Pictures pictures, print yourself, cos i'm too lazy to steal you and abuse you.

Nerves,
they're getting on.
why are we so similar,
yet so far apart.

2009-09-08T11:09:00.000-07:00

We're just kids, what do we know?

lets get it started in here
this beat is running running.

helpless.

2009-09-06T07:29:00.000-07:00

Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.

Its not working. And I still can't help you.
Lack of communication is detrimental yet these days, its unavoidable.
I'm not even trying, cos i know its pointless. But when i do, i end up angry and just plain irritated. Conversations last a couple of seconds, spare us the small talk. I realised i can't live on just how are yous and hows everythings, i hope everythings fine. I really miss knowing you.

why are you so paranoid

2009-09-02T08:14:00.000-07:00

Useless conversations, you're repeating what i'm saying. Eyes half-closed,stoning. I'm thinking about expectations, and what you're asking from me. Unreplied messages, just show that you're too broke or you just don't effing give a damn about things that is of your shit. Things you aren't telling me, beneath the whining, i hear nothing. Confusion and happiness doesn't go together. and still i feel weird. 'you're worrying about the wrong things, the wrong things' keeps replaying if my head. i tried. i wish a million things right now. and one of them is that i should be halfway to jakarta by now X[

baby, don't worry bout it
hey there, don't even think about it

we're done;

2009-08-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

I saw you yesterday, after every single day and i still <3 you.
I saw you yesterday, after too long, realising how you never forget your old friends.
I saw you yesterday, after ages, and i think i fell in love with your dimple.
I saw you yesterday, after awhile, loving long group conversations with not a care in the world.
I saw you today, after yesterday, and everythings back to normal.
I saw you today, after a couple of weeks, and caught up on needed boy-talk.
I saw you today, after godknowshowlong, and i really really wished i hadn't.

2009-08-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

and i'm sorry.
<3

suck it up.

2009-08-08T07:06:00.000-07:00

Hot, cold, hot, freezing, hot hot burn. Slept till my muscles cramped but fever dreams are the utmost worst ever. Rushing lines that did not meet nor collide, deadlines that were endless. Nothing makes sense, except my hot breath into the pillow.
Stubborn, just cos i can.

Yolanda mary chua's birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!(again) I know you hate us for everything but we still love you no matter what. Complete with the company, sushi, baked oysters, and ice-cream cone muffins=)

Time

2009-08-06T10:34:00.000-07:00

and you live in my memories, i swear.
They're all part of the list, things that i miss.

i can't even talk about it, and we'll never get to the reason behind the incomplete childhood. Or rather find the excuse that might make it all better.

zipped.

2009-08-05T08:34:00.000-07:00

Realise too late and you can't pull back cos you're fully underwater, gasping for breath. I don't know what your saying, and for once it doesn't register in my head. Let things fly over my head. The words i hear coming from your mouth sound like someone else and all the other things go unsaid cos i just can't seem to put it into words that won't break this. I can't trust this trust. I can't listen to your stories and believe thats who you are. More like i rather not understand and for once just sweep everything under that dirty old carpet.

baby, you're too paranoid.
you're worrying about the wrong things.

focus.

2009-07-31T07:36:00.000-07:00

I can't explain this, mood swings from high to low in a split second, and the closest to you don't make a difference. How irritating it is that a single sms could affect your whole day, and in the end you'll always be more affected by the bad than the good. How today was from rush rush to hugeomghuge relief and back to rush rush.
What does make sense is my mind is somehow seemingly clear, like i get it now. The pieces fit. -don't think too much-
On a side note, there are freaky chinese middle aged guys around school asking for personal emails to broaden their music genre apparently. Don't know wtf's their problem.

After the no-music busrides home,
where i just sit, thinking.
I might just need you more than you think.
August is round the corner.

just like insomnia.

2009-07-29T10:01:00.000-07:00

For the first time in god knows when, I came home early and slept.
Slept like never before.
Then i woke up, finished those assignments
and now i is happy girl.
Especially after last night.

waste.

2009-07-26T06:51:00.000-07:00

I'm not supposed to be doing all this extra stuff, extra baggage they call it. Push everything, like time makes no difference. We'll always have tomorrow but we might not always be we.
We're just kids, waiting to grow up. I still don't see your childish point. It makes no difference to me, throw your tantrums, scream, kick, shout, no one bothers. We're still unharmed, and fully functioning thats all that matters. now.
But we're almost there, just.

2009-07-23T08:58:00.000-07:00

(i'm sorry i don't have a better picture of us) =(

Its 2 minutes till midnight, and for the last time; happy birthday qai=)
I'm glad the day ended with a smile even though it didn't go how you wanted it to.
but you know this clumsyass will always be here to listen to your analysis of the whole world, and everything else.
i still don't get how you understand tamil though, so namaste tissue man, i'm sorry i forgot to buy prata and curry for your birthday cake.
I really wished what we wished just now cos it would be the best present ever eh.

Let go.

2009-07-21T07:17:00.000-07:00

I thought i could handle everything you threw at me, and then everything comes crashing and burning, and its then that we all know to take things as it comes.
Don't think too much.
I'm really trying not to.

2009-07-19T08:43:00.000-07:00

I give up.

why does she stay?

2009-07-11T05:23:00.000-07:00

Escape; a form of active denial.
Cramped feet, still in-step with you.
smiles and we'll slowly be self-conscious.
the best drink ever gulped down,
just enough wooo not to care,
beware, the careless hands
touch me not,
you're saying something,
don't point to the dancefloor.
what i can't hear you.

Its back to business, back to practicality.
And I'm glad its still the same=)
Schoolboringwork calls.

I don't know how to put it,

2009-07-06T06:16:00.000-07:00

I've never not been able to run away from things, atleast for a little while its possible, but somehow thats not happening, i'll have to face it everyday, deal with it like it doesn't matter and choices don't matter here.
Things that really get to me don't make a difference. Little things that annoy me, just fade away. Gossiping with you was left to yesterday. My nails have been blue for too long, bad for health, affecting judgement. Argh Thursday finally BTT. Friday night, come quick, need to escape this madness.

I'm missing the nerds, too much=(

Time.

2009-07-02T23:42:00.000-07:00

Assumed hiatus over, 2 projects down, AGM's done and my mind is ~~clear.~~ Unavoidable denial still rests at the back of my head about the other tests and submissions, BTT and sub comm recruitment. I try to plan my schedule for the week to come, and i don't really have a free day. I shouldn't complain, i know its my time just wish i had more time to study, freakin testsX[

In time, i will fade away,
and in time, i won't care what you say.

I find myself running, without really knowing or even acknowledging anything. Without dealing with whats right infront of me, i neglect the ones that matter the most. I can't help the way i feel, nor can i explain it but i have an feeling it gets like this whenever i get to close. Choices, they say, Peanuts i say. Tomorrow shall tell.

Ring.

2009-06-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

Alarm bells went off hours ago, yet we haven't moved an inch,
Loud and clear, it cuts through the air,
We all know it, we all sense it.
What doesn't matter,
is what we put ourselves through;
Besides the ups and downs,
the unnecessary overthinking everything,
feelings gone unsaid,
lips are sealed with that awful hot glue gun.
Actions gone unseen,
undeserving eyes don't look your way.
listen with your ears closed,
a nod and an okay simply won't do.
thoughts come and go,
without going twice about it.
Do something,
your corner isn't big enough for all of us.
Then theres a glimpse of hope, under the thorns;
don't explain my broken heart,
fragmented away from you.
when you run, you run back to your roots.
Procrastination; Leaders of tomorrow.

Finally, peace.

2009-06-13T05:56:00.000-07:00

I'm finally starting to enjoy what the holidays are really about, instead of spending everyday in and out of school. Camp was tiring, dragonboating was super fun even though no tan X[ Lepaking at the side of the sports hall is the best yet=)
I need to learn how to wake up late, to spend time staring at the ceiling, and to do absolutely nothing at all. Keep that mind in peace, and stop rushing at bullet speed from main comm stuff to my assignments to work to next weekend at ritz carlton.
Still things are different, people are busy, i don't like one armed hugs, fake smiles and things untold. Too many things unexplained, too many like omg likes. Reasons lost in the midst of escape. Showing no emotion at all, features' a stand still. I can't miss talking to you, if there is nothing to talk about. Plans made to be broken, catch me up, catch you up, but i guess i'll see you soon enough.

Everyday,

2009-06-08T03:54:00.000-07:00

Exams over, yet i find myself still in school. Still with my friends, aimless we aim. Holidays are gonna be predictable, sadly.

Anyways, back to business.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMJAD ADABI=D

(my favourite picture from the few i have of us together)
Thanks for being my listening ear to the wee hours of the morning. Our secret language and how you'll always understand when i don't even have to say anything. To always showing me the other side when i'm being sensitive or ignorant, which is alot of the time. To making me laugh till i cry, to accompanying me all the time and to all your crapping that just makes school go by easier. Sorry about last night eh? but we gotta let it out sometimes=)

And the next one,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLEMENT CHIA!
(your pictures later la, haha!)
Mr Clumps, my tonning buddy. Who's house isn't a house without sleeping monsters in it. haha! Sorry we invaded your house, took over your kitchen, held you hostage in your own room, banned you from coming in the kitchen, and made the clean house dirty! but i really hope you had a fantastic 18=) Thanks for always listening when i had something to say, whether it made sense or not but either way we both would end up confused! More late nights too come, but you get your sleep first eh?

Now for picturesss, whooooooooo! and because facebook sucks i'm uploading majority here kay. (Very very image heavyy)

NEXT POST, WILL BE MAIN COMM PHOTOSHOOT, BE PATIENT=D

Can't take my eyes off you.

2009-05-30T12:39:00.000-07:00

I have this weird thing about bloging at other people's houses, or maybe its just clements.
Time check: 3.40am; DNA-is-very-important-go-eat-shit-and-die.

I'm glad things are kinda settled, we've only got less than 24 hours till june. And damn, june will be fun. Even though we start with term tests, the rest of the month will make up for it, trust me. Last night was enough to last me another turmoil of emotions.
Crash and burn; when everything, everything you've ever been sad, regretted, missed, angry, happy, thankful, worried, confused, understanding, irritated, guilty, appreciative and well, emo about. There it goes, down the drain.
I'm a girl, forgive me. But thanks for being there when i really needed it, and listening to me when i couldn't explain it to anyone else. Cos i couldn't put it into words that you'd understand, you're still there to listen to my crap, no questions asked. Even though hell, i ask a truckload of meaningless questions.
(And sometimes, you'll get hit smack right in the face, that denial sucks, even though its the first step to everything else.)
Time check: 3.48am; freak why is the sleeping monster sleeping?-__-

And so it is,
just like you said it would be.
Life goes easy on me,
most of the time.
And so it is,
The shorter story.
No love, no glory.
No hero in her sky.

Time check: 3.52am; and so it is.

Maybe i should go back to my notes, but its hard when you're so distracted and no its not about whats around me that makes my mind wander. Its something i can't stop thinking about, one of the things i'll never tell you.

I can't wait, for friday, whoooooo. Finally karaoke with the girls! and actually dressing up for a cause=)

Time check: 3.55; edema-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZzzzzzz.

A.N.G.E.L

2009-05-27T17:49:00.000-07:00

Its too early in the morning, manu lost=(
I have a sleeping monster on my couch. His lecture is in 10 mins-_-
PIG -_-"
For the second week in a row, no school today.
~~WHOOT~~ Yes we'll go study in school.
I spent the whole day yesterday with oooopaulalaa. Thanks for everything babe, and don't think too much about the whole group thing. People change, we can't stop that, but i'm still here no matter how many times you attack me. Haha! We'll make a plan kay, but starting with after my exams!=)

One day i'll learn.
To accept things the way they are,
and not question every single thing you do.
Just cos it sucks, that i just don't love you nomore.

and just for fun.
http://www.youthalive.com.sg/ - Animating Talent.

Dear mr president, come take a walk with me.

2009-05-21T02:06:00.000-07:00

One glance, one wave and everything lost.
My heart's sinking into the abyss.
Too different, out of the line that draws comfort.
I'm thinking what you're thinking what i'm thinking.
We're thinking too much.
Procrastination brings us nowhere.
Doubt might kill us all.
Still the sun shines in my face,
promising better days to come.

I don't know.

2009-05-15T09:37:00.001-07:00

Theres a saying, but i can't remember how it goes, but its something like you shouldn't laugh to much or be too happy because the next minute you'd end up crying.

I get it, my week of the 360 degree emotion roller coaster.
Too much doubt, too little faith. Totally unfair, but I got to prove something.
And you wouldn't believe how much i've learnt in this past couple of days, I wish i didn't have to against my dear, but they made it in such away, and the same feeling was shared. Babe, i really really hope you'll still be there for us, but i learnt something from you that day, when we were outside the class. And that is to address the issue and not the problem(which is from dennis) but I get what you mean, and thank you for believing in me.

It was a test, of friendship as well, but we're stronger than that. We've gone through alot of ups and downs together and this is just one of them. I love you for telling me how you feel, and listening to me when i asked you to, even though you would have probably wanted to turn the other way. I'm sorry all these tears were shed, but i'm not gonna lose you. Sorry thats just not a option=)

Anyways, a whole bunch of homework and tests are piling up, 3 tests this week? and many more to come, termtests in exactly 2 weeks from Monday.
Time to make a nerd.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM!

All i can ask for.

2009-05-01T02:15:00.000-07:00

Second week of school, left me confused with a smile.
Mahjong, a game i'll never learn; sounds i can never run from.
Cooking mee goreng at 4am, lessons on how to hold chopsticks.
Wolverine is hot, mall cop is not.
Yet they sit infront of me talking about genetics and somehow my heart hurts.
But its too late now, never look back.
No spilt milk, just unspilt everything else.
A couple hours of sleep, movie marathon with full attendence,
and one by one they fall off to sleep, leaving the insomnia-ns to talk about everything on the earth, to try to attempt to explain love and girls and everybody's whacked up emotions but ending up with a simple i don't know.
Java chip with the best catching up session in the whole wide world, missed eye candy.
This sem is starting to be slack but we all know at the back of our heads, we gotta pull those socks up.
Priorities have changed, for once.
Its not about other people, not about me or you.
Its about time;
we realised.

I hope its not about you,
yet my thoughts wander every single moment alone.
I shouldn't take long bus rides by myself,
It can't be about you.

Stolen labtops, unbroken smiles, broken hearts, never-ending laughter, secret languages, hidden smiles, a hell lot of randomness.

The world might just be covered in tissue, who knows?

Rush through my veins.

2009-04-23T23:16:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARIZAAAAAAA!
My dear, i hope you had a awesomelyawesome birthday cos we had so much fun planning it, even though a stupid fire drill postponed everything, the lack of balloons and plus you kinda baked your own cake. I do love your hugs cos i'd remind you of him every single time. Bonding time at the amphitheatre, scraping wax of the floor till it look like grated coconut(sorry it was my idea for the candles=)) Too bad i had to rush home to cut another cake, but cookies and cream ice cream cake is good eh.
We took a ton of pictures and 1 18sec video of fariza, xinyi, yolanda and i just posing with commentary from qai but majority of it is on michelle's camera so hopefully we'll get all the pictures! but here goes=D
--caution, image heavy!--
Po!

Sleeping only ah clumps, no more tonning for you!

abang, where you pointing ah?

michelle and po!

party hats on!

cupcakes; check.

xinyi, you want a cupcake? but no milo peng for you.

wahlao, so selfish.

haha crazzzzzy girl!

Clumps i know they bully you but don't worry, i can't roll my tongue either=)

caught in the act.

miss rozy said don't act cute babe.

I'm starting to think our hair is very similar.

DEAD BODY IN SCHOOL!?!

FARIZA! (even with the wind going crazy, it was still so pretttty=))

Fantastic face babe! hahaha!

Birthday girl!

fpath go die.

2009-04-22T04:33:00.000-07:00

I wish i could chop off my nose so the world would be less sniffy and eurrghhhghghjh.
1st week of school=slackkkkkk.=)
After school activites are the best and only getting better, 3 words;
Expresso Cheesecake Brownies.
5 girls=anyhow funfair.
CCA drive, Good job makciks!(even though the stage a bit too small eh, you guys still were baik=D)

Anyhoo, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIVAM DEAREST!

I wish i could meet you guys more often, but i always seem to be busy but somehow there always seems to be a next time. Soon kay, i want orchard ayam penyet=)

I need to find a synonym for fantastic.

2009-04-18T03:14:00.000-07:00

Week0 is finally overrrr!
Undescribable, the past 5 days. The friends, the freshies and all the things we went through together. To all my A9F3 freshies, FANTASTIC JOB! we won best class eh? Thanks for making my first year as OL memorable and Dakota; we went through the ups and downs together and came out fine. Love you guys=)
LC play was fantastic! hard work paid off ya? Friday was a whole different thing, regatta; something i've never done cos i was sick last year, was awesome, our cheer team won! whooo! Who stays in school till 11pm? eating dinner in a classroom with a a group that i treasure so much, talking about crap with fariza and i laughing at the same embarrassing thing which just keeps happening again and again.
Then all emotions ran till dry. I learnt so many things that i'll never do and i'm sorry again.

Timetable's out, its the same thing except the bmt students are plucked out and put in a different class, but the 4 makciks still have CSAS, Fpath, apel and freehand drawing together! Even though we're gonna die doing freehand drawing, haha=) (and nenek, you're meeting your daughter and grandchildren everyday for lunch kay then we'll meet after and take 69 home), that goes for the tonning kakis and lc play gang as well kay!

I had work just now and thank god i don't have work for the next 2 weeks which lets just say equals to i quit. But it left me in a mood, of the things i miss; one of them being my mum, and i don't know what to do. Week0's been so hectic there wasn't even time to think, just school sleep school sleep. I wasted 20 bucks on cabfare. I woke up late everysingle day except for monday and wednesday which really really sucks cos i hate rushing.
Speaking of rushing, the holidays were a rush. No time to do anything, and hopefully our last poster making later eh. Pictures on facebook dears, (btw i love the cameraman for working his skills, haha!=) thanks abang)

We're fighting this war, baby
when both of us are losing

Why do birds suddenly appear, everytime you are near;

2009-04-12T15:42:00.000-07:00

Going, going, gone.
Thats me at this time in the morning, its 6.51. I've been up since 3.45. Madness. I hate when people leave. Hate the departure hall unless i'm the one departing. Had an awesome last day, ate tons. But kopitam kopi is gooodd, and i saw hadi too(minah, he needs a haircut, haha!) and the pictures are proof of how mother and daughters are exactly alike in other ways then our poooffy hair.

Start of Week0, i can't explain the relief i felt, when furry carpet msged me saying he'll be there later. All the worrywarts in me disappeared but then i was so lazy to call all the freshies, omgg. But i did, they're cool la, at least some of them=) i don't know how we're gonna deal with the chinese speaking one. Still don't know why they put 2 indians together, hmm.

I'm done with work, seriously. School's starting soon, and i've been too tired to do anything. So yes no maybe, clubbing?=) and bi, remind me to make mint brownies for you when you come back from your homeland.
Now its off to bathe, and meet candycane, its too early. Why isn't the sun rising, i only see clouds.

And i've got nothing to say,
so i'll just smile.
Cos my heart doesn't feel the same,
Its time to walk away.

unstoppable.

2009-04-10T09:28:00.000-07:00

It seems like i'm running away from things;
but when i sit down like this, i realise i'm missing out on tons of stuff, and i can't keep saying theres always next time because there won't always be a next time. You won't always wait for me, the holidays don't last forever, my mum's leaving on monday, bhangra nights missed, bbq missed, jacuzzing missed, eh. but things are moving along, lc play preview was freakin cool=) lt decor is awesome shits, i fell in love with the banner and the skulls and everything else.
Dividing time into the smallest fractions, not good. Catching up on sleep on express buses. Surprise moodswings, and irrational behaviour, falling asleep on my best friend, laughing till i really needed to pee, and making the best of what we have right now,
i'm still worried, like some old ahma, about monday and tuesday and wednesday and omg friday. chicken poxy man come back! X[

a fraction too small,
too little for you,
none for you,
perhaps some negative for you.

Don't stop me now.

2009-04-05T04:40:00.000-07:00

Work, school, work, school, camp, swarnaam, work, die, die, die; and i'm finally blogging. Oltc was something different, both good and bad. Didn't imagine it to be boot camp-ish but high expectations get you nowhere. The best thing about camp is the friends, going to bathe at 6am in the morning, lepaking with cookies, screaming out lungs out, gossiping, getting drenched and bitten, feeding everyone, (kaya bread anyone?), getting screamed at until you feel like crying, not being able to shit for 4 days, laughing and laughing and laughing till we go to pattaya. haha! i love you guys(especially all the marys=)) and the AR stimulation was just the same and new secrets found out ehh.

Its slowly getting to me that we have 2 weeks of holidays left, from the 14th to 17th will be week0, my mum's leaving on the 13th, i still haven't done a thousand and one things and all i wanna do is nothing at all.

HAppy birthday old lady!=D

--The rest are on face the book!

2009-03-21T07:07:00.000-07:00

cheesecake
carrot cake
brownies
cookies

all that have made us gain a little but the smiles they bring and its the late night baking sessions and just talking till our eyes grow tired. and more of where that came from, we still need to beat our record. Plus we really need to finish designing the props for lc play and logistics too eh. ;)

---

bimbonobimbohimbohahgoanddie.
holidays overrun with school, but spending time with the whole gang is hilarious,
weddings plans, choreographing bangla's dance, sleeping in class, too much gay-ness and suddenly my heart doesn't beat faster than usual.

---

Morning comes,
but still air only stirs.
Good hair days killed by combs
and bad hair days are how to save a life.
Don't stand there watching my every move.
Dance, play, sing, smile, love <3

-

Taken back to Philipines by my fairy step-mother.
Given marriage proposals and promises of good fortune.
Pictures taken and sent to the lucky groom.
Since when did we follow tradition?
But when it seems all so indian,
we have been arranged.

-

Coffee, tea or me?;
You feel like saying
but then theres an actuall chance they might say you
cos when they look at you,
they might as well just slurp you up;
the only defence is your cookie by your side.

-

Thinking too much for my own good, and just reflecting about the gang, and promises and coffee every week, and actually giving a damn.
(btw paupau i'm soooooooooo sorry, call me when you're free from jcjcjc then we go swimming or more ice-creammm=))
i can't believe pasu went to kl without me=(
and makciks, we really have to stop playing and actioning merajuk kay. kareeeoke, movie marathon and baking please nownownow=D

and i still don't see you.

temptation;

2009-03-18T10:21:00.000-07:00

my hair smells of sheesha, yet its doesn't reek, like a bad smell but a sweet apple-y scent. a first for everything, and being driven home like a princess is cherry on top of my surprise cake, but sitting and talking, nothing beats. Serious, honest conversations i adore cos thats the only time you'll actually know what my weird mind thinks. To know that we could live life, trying to figure out everyone around you, trying to understand and know what kind of person they are; is scary but inspiring, but tempting to know yourself and the people around you better.
but i love our once-a-week-dinners yo homie.

photogsummary;

2009-03-12T00:57:00.000-07:00

(forgive me for trying to action with the camera, resulting in very weirrd pictures=))

That aint cool;

2009-03-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

Time check: 2.50am
Damn what the shit am i doing awake, but holidays turn us magically into bums and from nerding our way through school, we(or atleast just me) end up sleeping hours past our bedtimes in the wee hours of the morning, early enough to see my brothers wake their zombie bodies up in time for school, but late enough to have had conversations about everything on the planet just laughing till we wake the rest of the family.

Time check: 3.00am
When the freak is the match starting-_-
I just got back from the airport, mum just landed and she looks exactly the same after 3 years maybe just a little more pinkish. and she cried when she saw the 3 of us! couldn't stop staring at my brother and how much he's grown. When at the money changer after changing money. she exclaims at the plasticity of the notes, haha! Can't wait to spend time with her=) cept she's staying with my uncle and not with us.

Time check: 3.13am
hi clement!

Time check: 3.14am
Class chalet yesterdays was the bomb, seriously i love love love the makciks. I know i've said this before but it wouldn't be possible for the makciks and our dear firdaus=) I was kinda glad that bout 80 percent of the class came, definitely would have been better if everyone came but i hope everyone had fun; dropping cheese from the cheese sausages on your shorts, night cycling, mahjonging, camwhoring and getting drunk without me!-_- haha that was one surprise girls! Pictures will be up soon! (sorry i'm on the labtop now=))

Time check: 3.21
I could watch ronaldo stretch the whole day long.

Time check: 3.27
Screaming fans, the red sea in the stadium.
it still hasn't started, i don't wanna see anymore of mourinho gossiping.
Okay start already,
i just wanna see 22 full grown men chasing after a single ball.

Time check: 3.39
The most random-est people are online,
I'm getting a headache, i really shouldn't be typing in the dark.
My contacts are gonna dry and shrivel up and die, all while they are still in my eyes.

Time check: 3.43
FINALLY. kaythanksbye.
till later on=)
OMG manu scored!

my sister said i needed a hobby-_-

2009-03-06T07:38:00.000-08:00

His hips moved a little too much,
like he was copying my walk,
trying to match my femininity with his tighty-whitey-tank;
which actually just screamed homosexual in every jiggle he took.

His skin blended into the night,
but his pretty face stared back at me.
Lips tight, as if he hid something,
cheekbones wanting to break the surface,

His eyes were surprising in the dark,
sort of out of place, but perfectly in.
shocked me just for a second, when he started humming,
but then he smiled, and walked right on by.

Insomnia

2009-02-27T00:53:00.000-08:00

My after the exams post, 2 days late, heh.
And looking at the past 2 days, holidays are gonna be awesomezzz.
I can't belive year1's done. 2 semesters of nothing but funfair=) so recap shall we? Caution-> tons of pictures up ahead, beware of hump.

I think this was the first day of school, when we stormed the prata shop. haha=)

The best picture to sum up CCN.

llyod and his teddy bear, theres nothing more i can say.

Shaz!

End of sem1?

Farah sweetheart!;)

Random frog outside mensa,

Studying nerds gone mad-> B.A.N.A.N.A.

I wish i had more pictures of us together, cos school wouldn't be complete without you. But holidays are here which equals late night suppers and tonning sessions with the family!

This is my mad friend who has made me go mad with her=)

aishah sayang!=D

Presentations 08/09

Makciks!

I thank each and everyone of you for teaching me how to live through the bores of school, for being there for me when i needed it the most, for sharing secrets with me and actually listening to me rant, go mad, get mad and still at the end of the day, we'll laugh about it. For making me think outside my girls school mentality, and outside the box and see what i really needed to see. However next semester goes or comes, we still have the holidays to party=D

Your song,

2009-02-23T02:01:00.000-08:00

When we're all caught up in our books, it hits you and when it does, hard. No point questioning why, how or so? It doesn't matter, cause we've moved on. Past the everyday nonsense and now messages don't seem to matter. The things you do, the new friends you surround yourself with, the ones you hide from in denial. Influence, thats what they call it, stupidity is my word. Change is absolute, don't talk about relative. We're halfway there, and you're only half mine. But this post is too random for my own good. Somehow we'll learn, and somehow things will go back to normal, shit just happens and we all have to make our mistakes sometime, let me make mine but that doesn't change the fact that i miss you too.

Theres a crazy car blasting club beats in the middle of the day, i wish i could join him but maths calls my nameX[

You are the earth beneath my feet;
you are my gravity.

I'm sorry.

2009-02-18T05:05:00.000-08:00

Emotional roller coaster of stress. and its gone within seconds and back within the next few. It happens all the time, study, laugh, cry and sometimes cry because you actually have a good reason to do so. But my dear, we're here for you and you better know that=)

Its another thing when people don't get you, and getting over sensitive and overreacting comes along with it. So B, i'm sorry, i really am, to put you through my immature tantrum when you're really one of the dearest friends i could have. We'll laugh about everything else together but not this kay. And (as usual) i don't know why it affects me to that extent, but like you say its time you see the other side of me.

Pakciks and makciks, go study please=)

go on girl, study.

2009-02-11T05:28:00.000-08:00

When its not about winning,
you realise things you were living in denial about. Things that were right there infront on your face. Distractions, thats what they call it. Which is this right now. Cellb yells my name. And on a side note, i regret. I can't talk to you anymore because of some other distractions and ~~fuck~~, i hate it.

Buds over studs, baby, always.

Golden baby.

2009-02-08T04:48:00.000-08:00

Beware of the giants.
So conclusion; party of the year, cept too many things going on,
and we'll always spend the next day talking about it.
Green fairy is bad,
70% listerine tasting alcohol, dang.
Buttt everyone looked fanfreakinfantabulous, seriously. Loved the shahi's dresses, espicially Guni's.
Pau, you sexy shit,
the fake moustaches, omg i could have gone as a guy again, but alas.
The fake eyelashes even when you didn't need them!
The to-die-for decor, and the huge windmill in the garden,
choli ke peeche kya hai?
Seeing my best friend dance for the first time in 12 years and rocking the sexy shit outta it.
The forever ever ever.
Our failure to can-can,
our acting like 15 years olds,
when all we are,
is 18.

Beeteedoubleyou, work's getting pointless, unless i make it a routine to join shazzy after work till she finishes work, then we pig out on free sandwiches and coffee, never tasted a better java chip.(btw, babe we have so much in common even though you're an old woman. haha still love ya=))

*thanks to bibi and dodee for the pictures=D

Legal, naked 18th.

2009-02-01T01:26:00.000-08:00

I'm stuck, don't know where to begin or how i'm gonna describe the two best nights of my life. I'm 18, legal and what not, but it doesn't change how i feel or how much i love you.

Pictures won't make a difference; there are too many. Too many cameras caught the highlights of the night.

People made my day, surprises will never end. My smile will never grow smaller. You can count the number of teeth showing, no problem.

I've cried a grand total of 6 times, all because of my fan-freakin-tastic friends. I really need to grow up.

I can't tell each and everyone of you all, for all the shit you've gone through for me, all the fishcakes you've told your parents, and all the cramps you've brought to my face. But here goes, i'll try atleast; Thank you=)

Hope.

2009-01-16T02:23:00.000-08:00

Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. To hope is to wish for something with the expectation of the wish being fulfilled, a key condition in unrequited love. Hopefulness is somewhat different from optimism in that hope is an emotional state, whereas optimism is a conclusion reached through a deliberate thought pattern that leads to a positive attitude.

Take it out of your dictionary, enter not applicable in its place. If there isn't a possibility then say so, instead of putting us through all this shit to come out saying its only fair to everyone, when we don't care about fairness. Saying its a case by case basis when you're gonna treat everyone exactly the same. Saying we considered everything when apparently nobody stood out. Saying it to our faces as if it isn't already slicing our heart into a million pieces. Try to motivate us by saying we're just not good enough. Saying i understand but apparently you're just doing you're job when you don't care.

Don't cry cause its just not worth it.
Basically, fcuk school, and makciks i love love love you=)

You got me crazy.

2009-01-10T04:39:00.000-08:00

This is what we do in the lab and i love my makciks.(fyi its bacteria growing on agar=))
Finally open house is overrr! Awesome awesome performances my dears except for the stupid mic problems and mad gay hosien leong.

Its all about you afterall.

2009-01-09T06:08:00.000-08:00

Time-off.
Friday night to sleep and saturday to do everything else. The rest of the time to think. It sucks fuck not to get what you want, but in the end you gotta admit maybe you're just not good enough. Or maybe its the fighting for that makes or breaks. I don't know what i'm doing, who does anymore. I hate the bus ride to school because for that 8 or so mins, i sit thinking about him because its on the way to school and i'm stupid and i can't help it. I'm turning 18 in 22 days and somehow it seems no big deal, my answer to their surprised faces and open mouths is turning away. I can't answer you.

electropop.

2009-01-03T06:23:00.000-08:00

It still seems like holiday mode. Results are slowly coming in one by one. Its taking foreverrr. but okay la so far its really okayy. I'm getting used to sleeping on the couch with my sister halfway stealing my pillow in the middle of the night. I'm getting used to spending half my life in school with wonderful people. Captain's ball match is coming up! omgomgomg. die. I'm not used to playing defense. freak. Too many projects, And i'm left missing 08 already, its the third day this is not working. I wanna go to clarke quay and dance the night away, i miss my best friend, and watch the sunrise from boat quay and walk home high but totally sober.
I don't get the touch, don't understand the looks or the smiles. Or the fact that we get along so well. Maybe i should stop all these questions, somethings gonna happen.

And the best noo yerr's message,=)
hello din, remember that i loved you in 2008. Remember that you were in my heart since 1998. Its our first decade=) tomorrow we begin our 2nd. I loved you in 08.
Love you tooo buuuu=D
and happy noo yerr to everyone else!

Noo'yerr!

2008-12-31T02:37:00.000-08:00

Happy New Years' babes! I'll see you next year! And baby, everything is gonna be the same, nothing'll ever change.

You got my number, if you like what you like.

2008-12-31T02:02:00.000-08:00

This is me on the last day of the year.
I need to remember to add an extra count to the countdown cos of the leap year.
oh my.
what a year.
what a fantastic past 2 weeks.
I'm looking through the pictures and i can't choose. There are too many, too many people fill my life and i don't know how i love them all.
-stop-
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMINAH, ABI and CHEWBZ!
- you know how much you mean to me. how much you make my mornings and nights better and every other part of the day, how my life would be different. How school would never be more fun, how boys wouldn't be crappers, how we groove to the same music, how i know exactly what you're thinking, how we'll enjoy our coffee together, how we'll laugh at each other and talk about nothing at all. How i'll always be there for you no matter what. How i love you so much and i don't even have to say it cos you know it already. Favourite pictures=)

-stop-
So maybe i'm looking forward to the new year, maybe cos i don't think anythings gonna change. Maybe cos i'm know i'm gonna spend it with people i love. A new year calls for resolutions, and besides studying more and losing weight, i will love you more. Picture post coming before the clock strikes.

deviations.

2008-12-22T18:18:00.000-08:00

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Holidays are being what they were meant to be. Catching up with friends, holidays to foreign lands(actually only malay land), spending money like crazy(learnt from abi=)), family time, alone time, time spent actually missing school, eating heckalot, and missing people that just don't have the time. But we've still got 6 days left, do not fret! Xmas is here!=) and so are projects?X[

KL roadtrip=awesome despite the bickering about whether to turn left or go straight on the highway, family time yeah! Saw too many roadside cows. haha pictures will tell. But i spent way too much of their money although maybe it just seems alot cos they're always stinging. Got plenty of stuff. Too many too name here. But a slight wardrobe change might be noted. From malacca to port dickson to kl. driving. madness. haha! and malaysians really cannot give directions, and reading a map gives the amazing race feeling. And suprisingly camwhoring with the kids.
And i spent alot of time thinking, thinking about what if in a years time or so, i would be driving up with friends. Would it be the same? Fighting over directions, over maps, over iwannasleeptheres and getoutofthetolietnows, whether to go to the pool or play pool, where to go blow our money. The fact that i'll be the only one worrying, the company, the drinks, the few of freedom with people that i love. The pros and cons of imagination.

So let the week come, around 6 xmas parties in total, 2 nights spent at clarke quay, 5 projects to get by, ways to finally quit, and endless freedom with loved ones.

Eyecandies are meant to be looked at, and nothing else=)

Malacca!=)
They were laughing about how swimming gives you a centre parting.(my favourite picture of the whole trip even though i'm not in it=))
Somebody yelled DRIFFFTT so thats what we did.
Just look at my gangster bro, haha i think this was anger.
Random atap house!

You're that close, so try harder.

2008-12-17T07:51:00.001-08:00

By the time you read this i'll probably be gone, somewhere in jalan ulu malaysia. My tummy hurts and its not a good sign. Signs, i wish i knew sometimes seriously. The way you look at me scares the hell outta me but still makes me smile at the butterflies in my dear tummy and my hands still grow cold. dammit we're back to square one.

Its only 4 days, i'll be back! till then, i hope i love you. kaythanksbye.

addiction.

2008-12-16T06:07:00.000-08:00

This is what i get for not blogging when so many things happen around me. Friday night was complicated? haha, in conclusion i still remain sober why others around me are gone to a place far far away. But clarke quay on a friday night is madness, seriously. The number of police and ambulances and omg the piss drunk people. If you read the article on zouk out and why youngsters get so sloshed. They should do one for clark quay on a friday.
Anyways, i'm going mad wait i'm already mad. Haha! i'm working my ass off just to save and i've only gotten proper sleep this afternoon after 1 week of papers. Which were pretty good, except for bmic which was still okay but okay=bullshit so we'll see. But i miss school!X[
Xmas is coming and being a grinch, i have no presents. Eh i'll see something in msia hopefully. And the weeks seem to be filling up but shoo projects shoo!
btw, twilight is awesomezzz only cos i'm robert pattinson, so go watch and make sure to bring tissue for the err drool=)
-so the picture doesn't want to load, heck-

and the worst part is the fact that you smoke doesn't bother me no more.

miss independent.

2008-12-10T03:30:00.000-08:00

I realise once again as i take a step back. That studs never rule in the world of buds and basic fact, they're just not worth it cos boys are crappers! So as i run away from maths, i enjoy the fact that the papers weren't that bad cos i'm not that dead. 3 down, 2 to go! KAY BYE=)

When you gotta run, you run.

2008-12-05T17:41:00.000-08:00

According to your age, list down the number of things that most people don't know about you. And then tag 5 people.(Only cause i'm procrastinating and cause i<3shazzzz)

1. i get irritated alot but don't show it most of the time.
2. i have a thing for pretty boys with curly hair.
3. i think everyone should headbang once in awhile.
4. i sometimes wish i could speak malay.
5. i relate boys with different songs.
6. i want a gay best friend.
7. i have 2 first ear holes on my right ear.
8. if you asked me to choose between coffee or tea, i would take a really long time.
9. i'm supposed to be a morning person-__-
10. i used to play neopets in primary school(haha!)
11. i adore baking.
12. i could people watch all day.
13. i get really nervous speaking infront of crowds
14. but acting infront of an audience is no problem.
15. i have really weird friends who are small.
16. favourite drink is 7-up raspberry and drink drink is cranberry vodka with lime=)
17. i'm scared/excited/anxious/don't care/loving that i'm turning 18 in exactly 8 weeks=)
And a lil bit more. I blush when i see you=)

Tagsss yo.
Abi
Minah
Pau
Wafah
Sonia

Surprise me, surprised you.

2008-11-30T05:44:00.000-08:00

I sit with peppermint white chocolate mousse topped with dark chocolate, a weird match made in heaven. Bless nigella for inventing such a thing=)
Socio can seriously go and die. But i'm still gonna have to mug for it, whether tonight or tmr and tuesday=( cos hss idiots have 2 tests in one week.
anyhooo, aishah's birthday surprise was awesommmeeeezzzz=) SHE CRIED! but we went through the whole of 'geylang' just to find her stuffs, surprised her at the durians and it was a success, yeaahh!

It reminded me of this whole year(well actually started from abnia, to mine, to buu's, to povan's, arun's, casti's, zue's to farah's and then to aishah's. Help me if i forgot a surprised birthday, but damn there were tons. Now minah's, chew's and abi's eh?=D)

So plans for the next week? NARTTHHHING AT ALL except study. WHOOOO.
except i really really wanna go to bugis and shop and i don't know if that can wait?
Oh yeah, port dickson, malacca and KL-> 18-21dec. Pretty much confirmed. which meeeaaannsss piercing on 22nd,ya?

Damn who ate all my white chocolate?=(

Steal my blood.

2008-11-27T07:26:00.000-08:00

The only exciting thing that happened so far this week, i gave blood. Whooooo, and to all the idiots who tried to scare me, it didn't work and to all the wimps, it didn't hurt one bit. I think the worst part was that the bandage was too tight-____- haha but it was turquoise! freakin cool plus with friends around me to make me laugh and to make the smell of blood go away=) awesome yo. next year we all go kay?

Mumbai bomb blasts are fucking scary. Okay so you normally woundn't care about this shit cos it not really happening to you but my sister's in freakin motherland! Apparently my aunt's place is one street away from the bombs. OMGFREAKINSHITDIE. yeah but i spoke to her and everyones alright, the only problem is she's not in mumbai but in a city 3 hours away, under my spanish cousin's name, doesn't have her passport with her and there are riots and suspected blasts happening at the train station where she's gotta take her train back to mumbai. So parents say stay where you are and delay her monday flight back to sg. FREAKINTERRORISTS(i wish i could understand you guys's problems, but you shouldn't touch my sister!)

And lastly, (on a happier note) HAPPY BIRTHDAY AISHAH!=D faking sick on your birthday is wonderful cos you get to enjoy the holiday like you should while everyone in school is talking about you. love you babe!

On another note(cos i failed english and didn't know lastly is last) Boys are crappers, seriously=)

Failure fuck.

2008-11-25T03:53:00.001-08:00

I tried studying and ended up sleeping on my notes. Great job=(
Bibi, its time for the study week at starbucksss.
BYE PAU=(

and and HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARAH DEAR!=D

Desi girl.

2008-11-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

I remain cold these days, i don't know why. So much has happened and even more is going to happen. Who's birthday?=) Maybe i'm baking too much cos the carrot cake was fuck. Shouldn't try altering receipes and i have to remember not to squeeze in orange juice just cos i feel like it=(

The tests are over but somehow Socio tests are coming over the hill, its gonna be a monster. I loved sparks deepavali, freakin sari with fatties showing. Too much eyeshadow and having people calling me chandramugie(sp?) which is like a tamil ghost/devil kinda thing. HAHA! I loved pentas sutera(whhoooo!) with all my malay girls performing(baik sial!) haha no i do not speak malay.
I'm surprisingly loving the whole room to myself or maybe thats just me getting used to the absence of laksaaa, while she has fun in indiaaa for the next week!
I'm not going for drunkfest, yeah!

PAU DON'T GOOOOOOO!=(=(=(

We're not gonna break even.

2008-11-18T06:31:00.000-08:00

Hearts beating fast, the night before your big night.
Butterflies ready to take flight in your tummy,
voice humming to begin,
feet prepare to be squashed i'm sorry,
eyes ready to light up,
lips ready to turn up.
Control not to shout my head off,
scream cos i'll see you in the audience.
To keep time and stay alive, not to trip or die.
To please and not to flash,
to wear the clothes of the old and married but to stay young and single but attached=)

haha good luck tmr guys! and i hope my voice doesn't screech like a teenage boy's=D

Days like that, weeks like this.

2008-11-12T18:19:00.000-08:00

Nothing will ever replace alone time watching the history boys while the sky slowly turns from yellow to various shades of pinky purpley. Or time spent with the girls every single day during our 4-freakin-hours break or dreaming about the people i dream about. The rain still falls and somehow the number of sniffs in lecture increase. And we just walk around looking for old faces and wishing we were boys cos damn we'd be better men.

and i might just be in love with boys whose names are 5 letters, weird isn't it.

Saturday special.

2008-11-07T20:39:00.000-08:00

How'd i give anything for saturdays like this one.
Fall asleep messaging but
waking up early and laying in bed for as long as i want to.
Waking up to music which is not blasting in my ears for me to get up.
Tea for breakfast at 12.30.
Today's plans, baking my dear fudgeyfudgefudge brownies(finally!)
After a long long week, after going back to the usual.
I'm starting to like school once again, only beacause of the special people who make my day special-er=)

Halloweenie's not the same without you.

2008-11-02T03:40:00.000-08:00

Pictures speak for themselves, except that rae's friend dressed up as a tree and i don't have a picture! But he was so cute when he tried to sit down but couldn't. HAHA!
-I'm sorry buu, that i'm posting a few pictures up here but i shall not ruin your name on facebook no more!

More visiting! and its probably the last, but diwali was still the best this year=) but i pretty much died after carrying newspapers for cip, but thanks for making me laugh so hard till i cried(as usual), and i was not trying to act macho kaayyy.

So after the previous post, half of all the shit is cleared up(after a whole night of talking it out) and i have a plan for the rest!

Purposely isolated.

2008-10-30T19:22:00.001-07:00

I find myself running out of time. School is close to madness nowadays and i am hating staying back till 6 just for a lesson. I find myself having more responsibility than i usually do and with more people counting on me than normal. I find myself somehow able to cope, but end up ignoring a few peoples unavoidably. I find myself once again running away from my problems and realise that i'll never really pour my heart out to anyone because nobody would totally get it. I find myself needing some space from a certain people and resulting to going back to lost friendships.

On another note, the whole diwali weekend was fantastic from saturday's getting our hair done to helping krysten with physics to visiting to an awesome gig=) to getting more than i expected. Sunday's work and then to plaza sing to seragoon road to going for the diwali open house to bhangra night!!
Monday's cancelled plans to visiting to more visiting and reframing from alcohol just cos i had school the next day to watching my sister get drunk and to sitting at a table of 10 with 9 smokers.
Tuesday's rushing to school for lab, to coming home to rushing for lunch at boat quay to my dad's office for prayers to a near accident with a police car to grandma's house to get fat and get money and back to home for more prayers and more money=)
Fantastic eh, and the weekend's bringing even more.

Mera dil, tumhara kail

2008-10-24T06:04:00.000-07:00

Then we change, and i start doubting everything again.

Going to school for one hour is no fun, freakin waste of my time. And i didn't get to see my favourite science people, but we had fun secretly stuffing swiss rolls that dear farah made. I really don't know what school would be without minah,aishah& farah and our dear MIA povan=)

Bounced to suntec for yoghurt and my my, PROMOTE FROLICK! haha their peach flavour is awesomezzzz. Sadly i think i shall forever get the same thing everytime i go there. Hopped to fareast for some err shopping if you call it that. Sorry i don't speak smallone language.(haha!) Then headed home to see ICG on tv. YEAHHHH, i wanna go for the bungee thingie toooo.

This whole weekend-whichincludesmondyandtuesdayaswell- is gonna be vunderful in all indian glory=) except that the dance is gonna be at the back of my mind the whole time but we'll see how that goes ehhh.

I'll never be able to tell you all the things i think about in my big head cos its never gonna do anyone any good, but if i'm only starting to realise all this and if its only affecting me after all these years, then damn i was blind. I suddenly but sadly don't see any point in all this. If only you could see what i was going through then you'd know but you're so caught up in godknowswhat to care about anything else.
and you know what, i'm not sorry this time.

ilovefridays.

2008-10-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

Back to school=( and it doesn't feel different at all compared to last sem. The time spent in school will always be with the people i love, lectures are filled with the same old people(some which need to keep their eyes to themselves!) haha Itas will always have its charm and so will Sar=)

Understanding theatre is back to Sec2 drama, its exactly the same and thats before all the hoohaa happened and when i was free to screw up and explore my limits, which is one of the best things in the world. Haha kay now i shall go write my heart out on journal entries.

P.S. Stay away from scary skater matt dudes with tattoos and piercings! hahaa
and DRAINS too!

Timetable schwimemable.

2008-10-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

My timetable sucks ballz=(

Freeze.

2008-10-14T05:42:00.001-07:00

Class chalet was not what it was supposed to be but it was what i expected it to be.
HAHA! I hope everyone had fun despite the kinda-failure bbq and everyone resorting to tapauing food from the village. SORRY. But our charades were hilarious, and i got reminded not to drink once again. I realised i have the most awesomely awesome friends, and now i could never pay them back for what they did for me. All i can say is Thank you=) to specifically Castillo, Povan, Denesh, Arun, Raj, Kari, Sandy, Shahul, ABI, my fantastic siblings rakk and avin=), Mimi, shaun, rongjie, shijie, junyuan, denise, amanda & xinyi.
But all i can say is some people are zomg-funny when they're drunk and eating bread and drinking water & milk is not good when you're drunk. haha!

I love all of you guys=D

And congrats to TP ICG Dancers and CCP!

Now its back to school and the roller coaster ride of science. haha!
ABI DON'T GOOOOOO=(
cos i've been waiting all night for you to dance like me=)

I've turned punjabi.

2008-10-01T05:15:00.000-07:00

F1 is over. And OH MY GOD. It was freaking awesome, besides seeing all the stars, tons of new friends and one-in-a-lifetime experiences and plus free booze, it could not get any better. Well except for the screw-ups, the pains, the disease, the coming back at 3-4am everyday and the fact that i won't see most of them again.

HAMI!!

i swear this reminds me of jurasic park where the trex is going run out and eat you any moment now.

Monday was a good catching up, just like the old days=) but i don't know if i can handle everything you tell me.

Tuesday was a blast. Zomg,our plan to cut our hair was so failure. Bi! you still don't need a haircut! I tired myself out by going to parkway and getting my dress and studs and i saw hottie hot senior from camp. HELLO.
BHANGRA NIGHT, the rain almost ruined it! i<3H-dhami=D
From the randomn guys to the awesome music to the weirdest dances you'll ever see, to the cutest dances you'll ever witness to the best indian mates a girl can have and finally to the charm of h-dhami.

Things are changing, i'm looking at life differently. Getting irritated at the things i'm not supposed to. I'm not sleeping enough and somehow i don't care.

All this for a Ritz biscuit.

2008-09-25T05:58:00.000-07:00

This is how young and old we were=)

I had a weird dream. The wrong people were in it and it didn't make sense but all i remember is waking up feeling extremely weird thinking about that person.

Hair pins, pointy shoes,
black all black,
no other absence of colour.
A ridiculous bun-net-thingie.
Pants that hug my thighs but hang loose like bangla's bells.
VOPL.(Visible-omgdisgusting-pantyline)
Thongs are -_-.
They'll all poke me anyways.

I'm bored, i hope you get that.
I still don't see the need for colouring my lips.
I'll run over to KL and never come back since bi is becoming a china national.
Since i'll be MIA for the whole weekend, yeah, and JC nerds, we will go out next week, i donch care.