benefits

Breathe, we've still got another 24 hours.
To squeeze everything that we could possible get out of these last dying hours.Its turned out better than expectations even though i wasn't supposed to expect expectations. Only thing i need is some coffee and a breather, to get myself away from all this.
-pause-
my hands are cold. i don't believe this. and i'm actually kinda glad cos apparently theres a smile for a different thing. Just might have made my day.

alrights, time to get back to work. yes no maybe.
the heart flutterings are gone.
its complete just the way it is.
my heart was never open, and my spirit never free(watch avatar please.)

surprise

I love you because i can.
I don't know how you know these things about me, that you're not supposed to know but my face tells all and you just know. Coffee, dates, swimming and taking turns to be the boy. haha! I'm so glad you're my age now, so you act like it now babeh. No more merajuk anymore eh, and can't get so affected by the stupid boys also. I'll always be here. can't run anywhere cos i'll see your face everyday anyways=) Rain or shine or smelly itas lunches. Through our terrible faces, and laughter too loud to by lady like, always be my nana.

love love you=)

Comfortability;

Its getting better; the days.
Denial shifts the work to the back of
my mind
is smiling.
cos i spent the past 3 days making out with
some asshole dummy who didn't respond at all.
kinda reminds you of some.
at ease, with time and its thoughts.
i taste briyani
i'm not looking at my projects lining the desktop.
yesterday was bomb cos we're so alike even after a year,
its like nothing changed but change is inevitable afterall.
and for once,
i actually have somethings to look forward to.
just a lil effort eh

Papers are done; 6 papers were no joke and my mind craving for a holiday well craves. I'm expecting the holidays won't be much satisfying, really. Got a whole long list forming infront of me as we speak. Its disgusting really but what can be helped, just need to do projects yup. We'll dedicate on project per day and it'll be over and done with. Catching up on the movies wooshed past is and 2012 was too hyped up. It was believable but no fair wehn the hero always is saved and the fat and foreign people alwasys seem to die first. It was a computer game on big screen, and much to coupling.But its come to normality and no expectations.

focus; breathe

I fought you for so long,
i should have let you in.
Oh how we regret those things we do;
and all i was trying was to save my own skin,
but so were you.

4down2moretogo

immortal

when you have learnt your lesson,
Remember it.
you can't go on like nothings wrong, cos every other thought is thinking about it. When you've got no where to run but only to hide, is the time when you actually look down and realise. Love pffft, friendship for once is untrue, disappointed with yourself multiplied by like a million and two times. And once you get away from this nonsense, you come out a different person, and its the only thing you can be proud of. Thank god for the maryyys and minahhhs in this world.

I'm so tired of being here,
Suppressed by all my childish fears,
If you have to leave,
i wish you would just leave.

change: inevitable
our conversations will soon end up
Small talk
I don't really wanna know how you are or how your day went
Its about time,
To kick the bad habits
Step step step,
i'll see you no.

Much too close, step back missy. Everything'll be just fine. They remind you that they'll be yours soon enough, just wait for the weeks to come. Give up your time, learn to let go, quiet days are the best. Alone time, and learning to apologise. Chocolate smelling hands and dirtied kitchen. I'm the most relaxed i've been in ages so much so that sleep doesn't even matter. chill babeh, we'll get through this.

all grown up

Someone once told me the grass is much greener, on the otherr side.

Go through the days with a smile, with no care whatsoever, we'll rush later, runrunrunbyme. Time no essence la deyy. I'll come home, slit eyes drained, and crawl into the cardboard box i've made and decorated myself. Writings on the wall, remind me of the impending doom, i can hear your voice from a distance, telling me the plans, but i just can't make out what you're saying, paper muffled sentences, bounce off back to you, repelled energy, coming out a string of negatives in my lonesome mind but a soothing voice only soothes and causes no cure. comfort, rocking back and forth; its not the end.

ignorance is truly bliss;

That didn't even make sense. I walked or rather ran from place to place with a smile cos i get reminded every now and then how wonderful some of your friends can be,(thanks jennyanna, kayabun and mary! i don't know how i'd survive today really=)) but things are getting better, maybe its just that i'm gonna be really rich really soon. Haha, since when did i become abi, ah well but i miss that small one anyways.
-back to retail-
we gots works to dos babehs

i'd like to make myself believe, that planet earth turns slowly

because i'm busy when you're not, because i give a much more damn about the girl waiting outside waving at you, because i see perfect soulmates walk right past each other and enemies sit close by. What are we coming to, where no one gives a flying toot bout anything, we all just call each other by our full names and say may i please and thank you.

I'm still running, only i've changed direction,

crumble

And slowly, i'll just die from all this useless crap that i've knowingly dragged myself into. I'm trying to believe that people won't give me work that they don't think i can handle even if it means becoming superwoman. Saturday was happy day, and sunday just spoilt the end of a spoilt week. And i wake up today to the bbq wholesale people trying to ask me if the satay sauce i ordered is enough for the amount of satay i got. tsk. good morning veggie day.

Maybe i depend on you too much,
cos you just can't always be there.

iphone waste

Exclusive rights, sad story of my dad's 48 hour old phone.
still don't know why a 47-year old man needed an iphone, to possibly challenge coffeeshop pakciks at a game of tap-tap. Touch so sensitive, complicated pricey restrictions, this is what happens;


HAHAHHAHAHAH, omg. this is so sad. and it costs another 350 just to repair the freakin screen o_O

down

Running through the hours, burning up time, no point calculating how many hours left i have in a day. Don't bother calling and asking me out, unless you're ready for disappoint and even that i can't run from. Hop from place to place, face to face, upturned to downturned lines, thats all they are. Throw that notebook, diary, planner, phone away girl and you'll save me.
and going home alone is no fun sucking balls, period.

And even when the sky is falling down,
you'll be my only.

And truth be told, i miss you.
and truth be told, i'm lying
<3

Day of birth

So many birthdays, so little time. Yet i'm thankful for everything=)
no picturesss=(=(=(

1.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRAVIN!(belated)
I'm glad you had fun on your birthday even with last minute plans and all but I had tons of fun just walking, talking and hearing me out=) movie again soon kay.

2.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEL!
Ah, for every time you ask me how are you, just to check. For the smiles no matter what. The 3rd of Oct is gonna be a blast, and please let me surprise you=) We still need to go out sometime soon though with the whole gang, love you tons babe=)

3.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PASU!
Coins wasted, i'm sorry. haha you're finally legal babe, no more underage sneaking around! so go partay pindu, but don't forget your dinbi kay=D

spots.

Silence. We keep still. You know what i'm thinking. But only when my face betrays my thoughts. So close till you know exactly where it hurts and more of where it doesn't. Conversations out of courtesy, the beautiful person next to us is intrigued by mindless murmur of lips. I can't tell his race, mr pretty sharpnosebigeyesandfairskin.
Uncharted steps, unplanned frowns, we're getting somewhere. Late night thought dialysis cleans the mind, makes it more open to more dumbass nonsense. I think i get your motive, just don't get you or want to at all. Don't be bobblehead-doll.
Things are getting places, holidays are half way through. Fridays at cgh, briskwalking through the weekend, party life zilch.

yeh dooriyan
nigahon ki dooriyan

s.l.a.c.k.e.r.

rush rush rush.
It feels as if this is todally unimportant.
tricks on your mind, tongue twists a new nuisance.
friendship never fails,
i miss the makciks,(even though i saw minahahaha today=))
awkward goodbyes,
12 minute conversations that i really need.
you're not yourself,
and i don't know why.

run this town tonight

Slow day. Or rather a break from everything else. And a chance to finally catch up on house. Holidays try to show their true meaning, yet projects tumble over and smother even a glimpse of it. Brainboost and a good storming after, 2 projects settled. Still got welfare and my dear noticeboard to do. Still gotta go run, and ton, and make ice cream, and get my hair done, and go clubbing and shop-___- Pictures pictures, print yourself, cos i'm too lazy to steal you and abuse you.









Nerves,
they're getting on.
why are we so similar,
yet so far apart.

We're just kids, what do we know?

lets get it started in here
this beat is running running.

helpless.

Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.Try putting yourself in their shoes.

Its not working. And I still can't help you.
Lack of communication is detrimental yet these days, its unavoidable.
I'm not even trying, cos i know its pointless. But when i do, i end up angry and just plain irritated. Conversations last a couple of seconds, spare us the small talk. I realised i can't live on just how are yous and hows everythings, i hope everythings fine. I really miss knowing you.

why are you so paranoid

Useless conversations, you're repeating what i'm saying. Eyes half-closed,stoning. I'm thinking about expectations, and what you're asking from me. Unreplied messages, just show that you're too broke or you just don't effing give a damn about things that is of your shit. Things you aren't telling me, beneath the whining, i hear nothing. Confusion and happiness doesn't go together. and still i feel weird. 'you're worrying about the wrong things, the wrong things' keeps replaying if my head. i tried. i wish a million things right now. and one of them is that i should be halfway to jakarta by now X[

baby, don't worry bout it
hey there, don't even think about it

we're done;

I saw you yesterday, after every single day and i still <3 you.
I saw you yesterday, after too long, realising how you never forget your old friends.
I saw you yesterday, after ages, and i think i fell in love with your dimple.
I saw you yesterday, after awhile, loving long group conversations with not a care in the world.
I saw you today, after yesterday, and everythings back to normal.
I saw you today, after a couple of weeks, and caught up on needed boy-talk.
I saw you today, after godknowshowlong, and i really really wished i hadn't.

and i'm sorry.
<3

suck it up.

Hot, cold, hot, freezing, hot hot burn. Slept till my muscles cramped but fever dreams are the utmost worst ever. Rushing lines that did not meet nor collide, deadlines that were endless. Nothing makes sense, except my hot breath into the pillow.
Stubborn, just cos i can.

Yolanda mary chua's birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!(again) I know you hate us for everything but we still love you no matter what. Complete with the company, sushi, baked oysters, and ice-cream cone muffins=)

Time

and you live in my memories, i swear.
They're all part of the list, things that i miss.

i can't even talk about it, and we'll never get to the reason behind the incomplete childhood. Or rather find the excuse that might make it all better.

zipped.

Realise too late and you can't pull back cos you're fully underwater, gasping for breath. I don't know what your saying, and for once it doesn't register in my head. Let things fly over my head. The words i hear coming from your mouth sound like someone else and all the other things go unsaid cos i just can't seem to put it into words that won't break this. I can't trust this trust. I can't listen to your stories and believe thats who you are. More like i rather not understand and for once just sweep everything under that dirty old carpet.

baby, you're too paranoid.
you're worrying about the wrong things.

focus.

I can't explain this, mood swings from high to low in a split second, and the closest to you don't make a difference. How irritating it is that a single sms could affect your whole day, and in the end you'll always be more affected by the bad than the good. How today was from rush rush to hugeomghuge relief and back to rush rush.
What does make sense is my mind is somehow seemingly clear, like i get it now. The pieces fit. -don't think too much-
On a side note, there are freaky chinese middle aged guys around school asking for personal emails to broaden their music genre apparently. Don't know wtf's their problem.

After the no-music busrides home,
where i just sit, thinking.
I might just need you more than you think.
August is round the corner.

just like insomnia.

For the first time in god knows when, I came home early and slept.
Slept like never before.
Then i woke up, finished those assignments
and now i is happy girl.
Especially after last night.

waste.

I'm not supposed to be doing all this extra stuff, extra baggage they call it. Push everything, like time makes no difference. We'll always have tomorrow but we might not always be we.
We're just kids, waiting to grow up. I still don't see your childish point. It makes no difference to me, throw your tantrums, scream, kick, shout, no one bothers. We're still unharmed, and fully functioning thats all that matters. now.
But we're almost there, just.

(i'm sorry i don't have a better picture of us) =(


Its 2 minutes till midnight, and for the last time; happy birthday qai=)
I'm glad the day ended with a smile even though it didn't go how you wanted it to.
but you know this clumsyass will always be here to listen to your analysis of the whole world, and everything else.
i still don't get how you understand tamil though, so namaste tissue man, i'm sorry i forgot to buy prata and curry for your birthday cake.
I really wished what we wished just now cos it would be the best present ever eh.

Let go.

I thought i could handle everything you threw at me, and then everything comes crashing and burning, and its then that we all know to take things as it comes.
Don't think too much.
I'm really trying not to.

I give up.

why does she stay?

Escape; a form of active denial.
Cramped feet, still in-step with you.
smiles and we'll slowly be self-conscious.
the best drink ever gulped down,
just enough wooo not to care,
beware, the careless hands
touch me not,
you're saying something,
don't point to the dancefloor.
what i can't hear you.

Its back to business, back to practicality.
And I'm glad its still the same=)
Schoolboringwork calls.

I don't know how to put it,

I've never not been able to run away from things, atleast for a little while its possible, but somehow thats not happening, i'll have to face it everyday, deal with it like it doesn't matter and choices don't matter here.
Things that really get to me don't make a difference. Little things that annoy me, just fade away. Gossiping with you was left to yesterday. My nails have been blue for too long, bad for health, affecting judgement. Argh Thursday finally BTT. Friday night, come quick, need to escape this madness.

I'm missing the nerds, too much=(

Time.

Assumed hiatus over, 2 projects down, AGM's done and my mind is clear. Unavoidable denial still rests at the back of my head about the other tests and submissions, BTT and sub comm recruitment. I try to plan my schedule for the week to come, and i don't really have a free day. I shouldn't complain, i know its my time just wish i had more time to study, freakin testsX[

In time, i will fade away,
and in time, i won't care what you say.

I find myself running, without really knowing or even acknowledging anything. Without dealing with whats right infront of me, i neglect the ones that matter the most. I can't help the way i feel, nor can i explain it but i have an feeling it gets like this whenever i get to close. Choices, they say, Peanuts i say. Tomorrow shall tell.

Ring.

Alarm bells went off hours ago, yet we haven't moved an inch,
Loud and clear, it cuts through the air,
We all know it, we all sense it.
What doesn't matter,
is what we put ourselves through;
Besides the ups and downs,
the unnecessary overthinking everything,
feelings gone unsaid,
lips are sealed with that awful hot glue gun.
Actions gone unseen,
undeserving eyes don't look your way.
listen with your ears closed,
a nod and an okay simply won't do.
thoughts come and go,
without going twice about it.
Do something,
your corner isn't big enough for all of us.
Then theres a glimpse of hope, under the thorns;
don't explain my broken heart,
fragmented away from you.
when you run, you run back to your roots.
Procrastination; Leaders of tomorrow.

Finally, peace.

I'm finally starting to enjoy what the holidays are really about, instead of spending everyday in and out of school. Camp was tiring, dragonboating was super fun even though no tan X[ Lepaking at the side of the sports hall is the best yet=)
I need to learn how to wake up late, to spend time staring at the ceiling, and to do absolutely nothing at all. Keep that mind in peace, and stop rushing at bullet speed from main comm stuff to my assignments to work to next weekend at ritz carlton.
Still things are different, people are busy, i don't like one armed hugs, fake smiles and things untold. Too many things unexplained, too many like omg likes. Reasons lost in the midst of escape. Showing no emotion at all, features' a stand still. I can't miss talking to you, if there is nothing to talk about. Plans made to be broken, catch me up, catch you up, but i guess i'll see you soon enough.

Everyday,

Exams over, yet i find myself still in school. Still with my friends, aimless we aim. Holidays are gonna be predictable, sadly.

Anyways, back to business.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMJAD ADABI=D

(my favourite picture from the few i have of us together)
Thanks for being my listening ear to the wee hours of the morning. Our secret language and how you'll always understand when i don't even have to say anything. To always showing me the other side when i'm being sensitive or ignorant, which is alot of the time. To making me laugh till i cry, to accompanying me all the time and to all your crapping that just makes school go by easier. Sorry about last night eh? but we gotta let it out sometimes=)

And the next one,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLEMENT CHIA!
(your pictures later la, haha!)
Mr Clumps, my tonning buddy. Who's house isn't a house without sleeping monsters in it. haha! Sorry we invaded your house, took over your kitchen, held you hostage in your own room, banned you from coming in the kitchen, and made the clean house dirty! but i really hope you had a fantastic 18=) Thanks for always listening when i had something to say, whether it made sense or not but either way we both would end up confused! More late nights too come, but you get your sleep first eh?

Now for picturesss, whooooooooo! and because facebook sucks i'm uploading majority here kay. (Very very image heavyy)



































NEXT POST, WILL BE MAIN COMM PHOTOSHOOT, BE PATIENT=D